The Whole Story (Part I)

Okay, I'm going to write out the complete story of my little 'adventure' with Lee - the hot chick that I've been writing about in my last two posts. I will admit, it was a great 'adventure' for me, and with each passing adventure, I'm never sure if I'll ever have another one quite like it. Mind you, this was by no means the first time I've spent time in a 'sort of' relationship (or tryst or whatever) with a hot 'crazy' chick. I had a few during my crazy days in Columbus, and one way back when in university when I was 19 years old, and even one a couple years ago here in Canada. BUT this is the first time I allowed myself to truly 'feel' for this person and to throw my emotions in full throttle and really 'immerse' myself into the relationship (or affair, or whatever it was). It was wonderful. I loved the way I felt throughout the best of it, and even enjoyed the feelings and emotions when it wasn't being 'ideal'. It was great to truly 'feel' again. I realize now that its been quite a while since I've truly allowed myself to 'feel' much of anything. For that time, I was alive. :)

Anyway, I suppose it's not fair for me to call Lee a 'crazy' chick. But that's the name I've always given to people who live lets say an 'escape' lifestyle. What I mean by that is people who more or less live in the moment, give no thought to past or future and live purely for the present and live purely for lets say 'immediate gratification'. Sex, drugs, alcohol, fun, and immediate pleasures. Basically running from life, running from pain and past trauma, and never thinking about what it is that you are running or escaping from. Just hiding in pleasure and fun rather than facing reality and what's inside of you and trying to heal. Escaping rather than actually living. With that said, fun is a great substitute for truly living and truly being happy. But it is still just a substitute for happiness. Its great to escape for 'a moment' or even a longer length of time. We all need some 'distraction' for what ills or concerns us. I've done that quite a few times over the past 13 years, but eventually I always come back to 'reality' and face life and reality. Engage in life. I think I do anyway.

But there are a great number of people who never do face 'reality'. Never do learn 'who' they are or what they are hiding and/ or escaping from. And never look for true inner happiness or contentment. Instead live their entire lives running and escaping in 'fun' and pleasure, and totally mistake that for happiness. I think anyway. (Or maybe I'm the one that's wrong. Who knows?) Anyway, I classify Lee as one of those people, and for our time, I was more than happy to escape with her for the wonderful moment we did share. Admittedly, I did love the moment, the escape, and I do love her for all of it.

Even more so, the times we sometimes still share and I believe will continue to share in the future, is actual 'in reality now'. What I mean by that is that its no longer acting or fake, rather its honest and real. Even though much of it was merely acting out a moment (in a way, fake), our caring was real, and our time together eventually transformed from a game and 'acting' into reality. Real. Mind you, the reality is not nearly as fun as much of the 'game' was, - after all, it was all a 'make-believe' reality, - fantasy. But in the end, I do like the reality better. (Sort of.)  It is 'real' and is part of the things that make me 'happier'. Hm. I do like that.

So let's get into our 'whole' story. First a precursor. What I do for money, though fun, is not a 'career' job and not what I want to do for an actual 'living'. It is good money when I do it, but its also seasonal so there is a number of months where there is no work in it and I have to find something else to do. Once again, this isn't the life or 'career' that I want for myself, but so far haven't found a way to get to where I want to be career-wise yet. Ah well. Anyway, I took a part-time job doing fundraising for a charity over December and January in my home town in Manitoba. The money wasn't that great, but I could set my own hours, make a little bit of money, and live with/ visit with my Dad for a couple months. He's in his 80's now so its good to be able to spend time together while we still can. I always go back there for a week or two at Christmas anyway. What I didn't realize is that my brother (two years older) was going to spend three weeks there over Christmas also. This is bad. Me and my brother do love one another, but are totally different types of people. We can get along in shorter spells, but there is no way we can ever live under the same roof and no way that we can continue to get along for more than a week. He is totally controlling too, and when it comes to where he's living he has to have EVERYTHING his own way. EVERYTHING. He's got all these weird OCD-like rules for everything. How you have to do things, where and how to stack the dirty dishes, when and how things have to be cleaned, how you should talk or act, - EVERYTHING. Trying to live with him is a f#cking nightmare, and impossible to get along trying to live with his 'crazy f#cked-up' rules. You try to appease him by living by his stupid crazy 'rules' (because you would never hear the end of it if you didn't and wouldn't get any peace and quiet at all),  but no matter how much you try to appease him to keep the peace, its never enough and you end up being under a constant barrage of insults and criticisms because 'you aren't doing things right'. Meanwhile, what constitutes 'right' to him is border-line crazy and bizarre in the first place. Anyway, its a f#cken nightmare trying to coexist in the same house as him. Its f#cken crazy.

Anyway, we lasted a couple weeks before blowing up at each other and getting in a fight, but it was a bought of rising tension from day one since he got home. I was going absolutely stir-crazy trying to live with him and his f#cked up rules, and was under constant criticism and insults from him because he cannot stand when things aren't done exactly as he thinks they should be. What makes it worse is that I am considerably smarter than he is (though he thinks otherwise), understand practically 'everything' much better than he does (though he definitely thinks otherwise), and am a lot bigger and stronger and in better shape than he is so could beat the f#ck out of him if I chose to. BUT I just try to keep the peace as long as possible before starting to mouth him back and getting in a fight. I HATE spending time trying to live with him. I HATE it. It is impossible! So, needless to say, by the time he finally went back home (which is the same city I live in), I was going completely stir-crazy and was ready to burst. I needed to get out on my own, and party and unwind. As fate would have it, two days after my brother left, my Dad was also going on a two-week vacation in Hawaii so I would have the whole place to myself. By the time my brother and my Dad had left, I was ready to get out and party!

It was a couple days after that when I met Lee. I had gone out and had a few drinks the first night my Dad was away, and now it was a couple days later, a Saturday night, when I decided to head out after work. I had to work the next day as well so wasn't planning on staying out too late but I did leave that option open. My home town has a population of just over 50,000 people so isn't all that exciting, and there's not a lot of options of places to go. So I was at one place for a while, then near the end of the night ended up downtown at another bar. That's where I ran into an old friend of mine from six years ago. He's a native guy, Ojibwa, who I had met and spent quite a bit of time with five years ago when I was in town transitioning back to Canada from the United States. I eventually got settled in Canada and moved to where I live now, so we lost touch years ago. It was good to see him again though. He was out with his sister, and his younger cousin, the very gorgeous, Lee. She looked absolutely stunning. She is Metis, but looks entirely white at-a-glance.

Anyway, I sat with them and we had drinks but seeing it was near the end of the night they invited me to an after-hours party at someone's apartment around the corner. Just like me and my friend used to always do when we hung out before. So we went to a party...