I had a tremendous adventure with a beautiful woman
recently. I was visiting out of town for a couple months when I met her. She is
very beautiful, but I still have no idea why I am as attracted to her as I am.
I think a lot of it was purely for the adventure. She's not at all the type of
person I generally spend time with. She's volatile and gets pretty wild and
insane when she drinks. She's often at times dishonest and you sometimes cannot
trust her as well.
But that's what you see on the surface. There is also true
beauty and caring within her and the person I see when I look at her is that
beautiful person that she truly is. She just has a lot of damage and pain from
past trauma and that has a tendency to create another 'external layer' to her. If I had met her under different circumstances I do not think that
I would be the least bit interested in her. But, there was a large immediate
instant attraction between us that initially could not be denied. I think the
fact that she was so beautiful and so attracted to me is why I got so attracted
to her. Her interest in me made me feel young and beautiful again. Desirable. I
fell in love with feeling that way, and as a result I started to fall for her.
At first, it was just a game. She already had a man. A
fiancé in fact. One that was gone for a while, but she wanted to remain
faithful to him. That made obtaining her even more of a challenge. We had our
initial attraction, and it was her that initiated all of it. She had a thing
for me and wasn't hiding that fact. Mind you, we were drinking at the time too
and she does get very amorous and vibrant when she drinks. Over the course of a
day of partying, our attraction spilled over into intimacy and then came very
close to much more. It was interrupted though, so we never got to finish what
we started. ie. We started to have impromptu sex but it was interrupted so we
never finished. After that, I still felt like I was WAY out of my element with
her, but was going with the initial attraction and pursued her (via text
conversations) in the following days. It was an exciting game to me to see if
we could finish what we started.
We had more adventures together and once again got close to
being together but had a falling out and that moment was once again lost. That
prompted me to desire her even more. The fact that a second chance came around
at all was surprising to me, but the fact that I missed that opportunity again
only strengthened my resolve to finish this. My attraction was growing stronger
and stronger and I could not believe that I blew it the second time after
working so hard to get that second chance. This made me try even harder to make
it happen. It was becoming less and less like a game to me now though. My
desire was growing. My passion for her was already on fire and it lit a passion
under my artistic side. A side of me that had been dormant for some time. I
side of me that I had almost forgotten about, and likewise had forgotten about
how much I loved and needed that side of me. The fire inside of me was burning
with adamant desire. I felt truly alive for the first time in years and that
inner passion was feeding my feelings of passion towards her. Without realizing
it, I was falling for her. We talked pretty much constantly thru texting, so
she was never too far from my mind as well. Without realizing it I was starting
to tell her that I did love her (I was drinking at the time though), and when
she questioned me about it later, - the following day when I was more sober, I
quickly realized it was true. I was feeling love for her. I'm still not sure if
it was actually love for her, or love for how she made me feel. Love for the
person that she had brought out in me. Brought out within me. I didn't care. I
didn't want these feelings and emotions inside of me to ever end. I felt so
alive and vibrant.
A third opportunity finally presented itself again and this time
I did not fail myself. By this time, my desire was more than overwhelming to
me. I loved how alive I was with her. It was fantastic and passionate sex.
Probably the most passionate and exciting sex that I'd had in 10 or more years.
It was a beautifully heated moment of desire and shared passion.
I was satiated. My desire and passion for her had only
gotten stronger though. Because she in actuality was not an available woman, so
as much as I never wanted our moment together to end, I was not sure if I would
ever get another opportunity. Not during this trip anyway. The poet within me
was fully awake now though and I was letting him do the talking for me. The
poet, - the artist, did not want the passion to end, so I kept pursuing. I
didn't think I would get yet another opportunity though. But somehow the poet
won over again and we were together once again. It was just as marvellous and
passionate as the first time. Bliss.
This time I was quite sure it was over. I felt more love and
passion towards her than ever but I already felt like I stole two incredibly fantastic
moments that I still felt I shouldn't have ever been able to achieve in the
first place. I was happy with the memory of what I had. I was still in town a
little bit longer and we were still spending non-private time together, so of
course I was going to continue allowing my poet to push for just one more time.
All I could think about was having that moment just one more time. It didn't
look like that opportunity was going to come though. I was happy with what I
had achieved and loved having her as part of my life in any capacity. I also
knew that it may not happen again any time soon, but I was confident that
eventually the moment would repeat again. I was just thinking it may be some
time in the more distant future though.
Once again, I was wrong. It was now just days before I went
back to my home. I had already resolved myself to the fact that I would not see
her again before leaving. She was feeling somewhat guilty about her fiancé so
was keeping her distance as well. But as fate would have it, a few days later we found ourselves
together in the same room again. Seeing I already accepted to myself that I
would not be seeing her again, - at least not during this trip, my passion and
desire and feelings of love towards her were even more pronounced. I couldn't
stop staring at her. All I wanted was to be in her presence and to enjoy
stealing ever extra second that I could. We were partying again and not alone,
and as things can tend to when time and alcohol are involved things went rather
sideways before the end of the night. Not so much with us, but with other
people who were there and as a result we were apart once again. Once again, I
thought my last moment with her was over.
Once again I was wrong. I texted her, somewhat upset, only
30 minutes after we had parted. She told me to come and get her. I didn't
hesitate. This time I wasn't going to waste any more time. I took her to a
motel room so we can for the first time ever, have complete privacy. It was
glorious. We spent five hours in bed together. Just the two of us. Alone
without the interference of the world. It changed everything too. It took 'us'
to a different level. Up until that point, she was the 'forbidden fruit' that I
was just able to steal for moments at a time. She had a fiancé who would
eventually be home (in a few months), and I was leaving for the city I lived in
just days. Now she tells me that she is leaving her fiancé. That she is now
single. I didn't EVER have a single inkling that this situation could ever find
itself in the realm of possibility. For the first time since it began (about
two weeks earlier) it was no longer a game. Now it was much more real. I had to
start thinking about whether the two of us were even compatible in something
that resembled a relationship. Were 'we' even feasible. It was exciting, but it
was also scary. I'd let my poet do all the talking and I let myself fall in
love without regards to practicality or thought. I didn't think I would need
to. I was leaving in days and we were both going back to our 'real' lives. Now
I was thinking that I hope that I knew what I was doing. Trying to make an
actual 'future' between us could end up being a mistake, but it was too late to
turn back now. I was in love. At least I thought I was. Up until now I never
had to discern between love and passion.
Seeing this wasn't 'real' up until now, I didn't have to discern between them. To
tell the truth, I was in love with her, but I didn't really know anything about
her. Aside from how much passion I felt for her, and how much I loved how that
passion made me feel. Now I'll have to learn the rest of her. I hoped I knew
what I was doing. It was too late to turn back now, so I had to press forward.
This began the next chapter for us...
